雋永的婚姻箴言〔附中譯〕
By all means marry, if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. （Socrates）
不管怎麽說還是結婚吧，娶到好老婆，你會幸福；娶到壞女人，你將會成爲哲學家。
Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. （Duane Dewel）
任何已婚男人都應該忘記自己犯下的錯誤──沒必要兩個人都記得同一件事情吧。
A bachelor has to have inspiration for making love to a woman, a married man needs only an excuse. （Helen Rowland）
光棍漢必須得絞盡腦汁才能和女人做愛，已婚男只需想出一個藉口。
What do I know about sex? I'm a married man. （Tom Clancy）
我怎麽知道做愛是咋回事兒？我是已婚男子。
Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man. （Helen Rowland）
撒謊是男孩的錯失，情人的藝術，光棍的成就，已婚男人的第二天性。
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. （Henry Louis Mencken）
結婚的男人是不會真正幸福的，如果他結婚後喝的威士忌不得不比單身時常喝的威士忌差的話。
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. （Oscar Wilde）
男人結婚，因爲他們已經疲倦了；女人結婚，因爲她們感到好奇了，結果兩人都大失所望。
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. （Albert Einstein）
女人嫁給男人，希望他們會所有改變。男人娶個女人，希望她們會永遠不變。所以雙方必然會失望的。
Nowadays, all the married men live like bachelors, and all the bachelors like married men. （Oscar Wilde）
如今，所有的已婚男人過得像一個單身漢，而所有的單身漢過得像已婚男人。
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. （Elbert Hubbard）
一個娶了女人想教育她的男人，和一個嫁給男人想改造他的女人都淪爲同一個謬誤的犧牲品。
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. （Sam Kinison）
我可不擔心什麽恐怖主義，我都結婚兩年了。
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. （Hemant Joshi）
結婚之後，老公和老婆就成爲一枚硬幣的兩面；他們就是沒法面對自己的另一半，卻仍然待在一起。
Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. （Joanne Woodward）
性感不久就會逐漸消失，美色也會隨之枯謝，但嫁給一個能讓你每天開懷大笑的男人，啊，這才真正是令人滿意的結果。
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. （James Holt McGavran）
有一種比電子銀行還要快的轉帳方式。它叫做婚姻。
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.（Patrick Murray）
我在兩個老婆身上的運氣都很差。前面的那個扔下了我。現在的這個我扔不掉。
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.（Milton Berle）
一個好妻子總會在她錯了的時候原諒她的丈夫。
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.（Socrates）
婚姻是這樣一所學校：男人會失去學士學位∕（單身漢的地位），而女人會獲得碩士學位∕（征服者的地位）。[譯者注：雙關語]
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. （Henry Youngman）
晚上你回到家裏，有一個女人會給你一眼愛情，一手溫情，一懷柔情。你知道這意味著什麽嗎？這意味著你走錯房子了，就是這個意思。
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. （Nash）
保持婚姻幸福的兩大秘密是： 1. 一旦錯了，立刻承認；2. 一旦對了，立刻閉嘴。
Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind （Anonymous）
婚姻是因爲愛情，愛情是盲目的。所以，婚姻是爲瞎子所設的會所。
First Guy（proudly）: "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." （Anonymous）
一個男人驕傲地說：「我老婆是天使」。另一個男人羨慕地說：「你真走運，我的那個還活著。」
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. （Henry Youngman）
有人問我和我老婆婚姻長久的秘訣：我們倆口子很會享受生活，每周兩次去餐廳吃飯。燭光、晚餐、輕音樂、跳舞。她周二去一次，我周五去一次。
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. （Rodney Dangerfield）
我和我老婆幸福地生活了 20 年。然後....我們就相遇了。
Marriage isn't a word....it's a sentence. （King Vidor）
婚姻不是一個詞語....它是一個判決∕（句子）。[譯者注：雙關語]
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. （Jacques Maritain）
我們愛的不是優點，我們愛的是人，有時是因爲他們的缺陷，附帶著他們的優點。
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. （Rita Rudner）
我認爲穿過耳洞的男人對結婚準備得更爲充分。他們已經經歷了痛苦，而且購買了珠寶。
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. （Arthur Schopenhauer）
結婚就是將你的權利減半，將你的職責加倍。
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. （Goethe）
愛情是理想的事情，婚姻是現實的事情。
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. （Don Fraser）
一個幸福的家庭是這樣的：雙方都認爲對方有可能是對的，盡管雙方都不相信對方是對的。
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. （Mignon McLaughlin）
一個成功的婚姻需要戀愛很多次，而且始終是與同一個人戀愛。
